: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
