Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You were trust falling into bushes
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
