I am puke
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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