Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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