You're a womanizer and a bitch.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
