I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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