I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
