your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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