Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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