i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
