Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
