He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
