I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
