wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize