At least make sure they are 18
Why
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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