bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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