I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
