Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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