What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
