In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Im part way to drunk.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
