I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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