No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
