Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
