Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
