i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
