I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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