Operation Purity has been aborted
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just had sex on a roof
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
