I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
