how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
