I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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