i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
