Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
