1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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