I just saw a hot homeless man
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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