I think I just saw someone hide a body.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
