im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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