my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
