pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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