so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
