i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
not ubering you a puppy
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
