the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
