Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
