You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
