I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
