I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
