Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
