YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
