so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
