Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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