well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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