My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
