Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
