I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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