u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
