wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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