I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
