So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
