took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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