So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
