my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
