I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
