Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
