I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
