You're my little dorito
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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