I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
