bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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