Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
