he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my shit smells like andre
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
